Ask me about how good you’re doing

I was swimming at the pool with my kids this weekend. A young girl, maybe 10 or 11, was practicing handstands in the water nearby. Her mother was in a chair on the pool deck.

She’d go up. Then splash down. She did this a few times. Her falling feet often too close to my children’s heads in the busy pool.

But then, after a few more attempts, I heard her say the most amazing thing:

“Mom, watch me and tell me how good I’m doing!”

The phrasing is too perfect.

Not “tell me how good my handstands are”.

Not “tell me if I’m leaning too far one way”.

Simply, “tell me how good I’m doing.”

Validate that I am good in my trying.

We all want to be validated as being good in our simple act of trying.

Kids haven’t learned yet that society thinks it best that we don’t need too much as individuals. They bring to the surface the emotional needs that adults repress. Once we reach a certain age we must be self-sufficient, self-contained, internally motivated and validated. But we all need love and validation. It’s unfortunate how taboo it becomes to come out and ask directly for it.

Am I getting what I need"? Am I validated? Feeling loved? If not, am I asking for those things directly?

Ask me about how good you’re doing and I’ll tell you that you are amazing and loved and doing a great job!